Do you know how many places I applied to? 42! 42 fricking places, and I still don't have a job! I haven't even had many interviews. Now I just walk along some random street applying to all the stores I see along the way. A surprising number of stores are hiring. Anywhere I go I see help wanted signs...you just need to be looking for them. You can be guaranteed to find at least 2 at every major intersection. So why don't I have a job? I do have an interview next Tuesday..at Siblings. That actually seems like a good place to work. I really hope it goes well this time...then I can work there. A friend had an interview there today, and she'll tell me how it goes. I want it to go well for both of us. 

This week has been....alright I guess. I find ways to occupy myself sometimes. Well tuesday i went hiking with people, then wednesday i went shopping with different people. Also got to work at the doctor's office for a little on tuesday/thursday. I mean, it wasn't the greatest, but it was pretty good. This summer so far isn't as sucktacular as I would've thought. At least not as much as last summer...That's why I'm starting to think everything will be ok. But I'm absolutely terrified that it's going to be bad again. I keep thinking this can't last. Then there are moments...when i haven't done much and I'm alone...and I think...whoa, life sucks. That scares me and makes me decide I have issues where i'm no good at just being happy. I'm no good at being alone, it makes me think...and I never think pleasant things.

I'm kinda not sure how this weekend will go, or the rest of the summer. I guess it's always been like that with the not knowing, and I only think the worst. My cousins are here from Montreal, along with my uncle. I don't dislike them or anything, but I rarely see them, so theyre basically strangers. It's just awkward spending time with them, and I'd prefer to do other things. They're 20, 23 and 28, and I just dunno how to interact with them. I guess it's my issues again. Sunday there's an oreintation thingy at Guelph-Humber. It's like a whole bunch of seminars on what you do now, and fun games and stuff. It's supposed to be to meet other students and make new friends or whatever. I'm kind of excited, but also worried that i won't make new friends this time (or ever). I suck at making new friends. Stupid issues. At least it's away from my family, though i'd prefer with my exsisting friends...

So that's everything in a nutshell. 42 places! I couldn't believe it when i was making a list of them today. And there's still a couple more places I haven't been and directions I haven't watched. Hopefully this time next week both my friend and I will have a job (the same one). I really need a job for my sanity, because this summer has been decent i suppose, but the rest of it could still suck and I don't know how to stop it. Especially in the nights I think about how much everything keeps sucking, and how I suck...and how I don't know how to be happy. I do know it helps if I keep myself occupied. I'll try to do that. I'll keep trying. I desperately want to give up at everything, but then nothing could ever get better so I have to keep doing something. Besides, the only possibility for giving up at life I'm not going to think about at all. 

I'll be alright some day. I'm going to believe that. 

Lau