So school's over....no more highschool...it feels very anticlimactic. Surreal. Kind of depressing. Not that I'm not excited to start university. For that I'm totally psyched. I want to start fresh, meet new people, make new friends, take classes I love, try new things and all that jazz. The thing that saddens me is what hapens before then. Summer. I hate summer. Well I didn't used to, but last summer was the worst time of my life...I wanted to just die. Honestly. And this summer could very possibly not be any different. 

Still looking for a  job, but nothing's working. I'm getting tired and frustrated. I want to just give up. I really only want a job to get money and have somewhere to go every day.  Yeah, I could do stuff with friends sometimes. Went shopping with people at Yorkdale today...it was boring,but it got me out of the house. Friends tend to be into being busy or doing things without me. Friends can also be dissapointing and majorly sucky sometimes. That's another reason that the ending of school feels confusing. Sometimes I want to see people for the rest of eternity and be friends forever, other times I never want to see some people ever again. I think the way it'll turn out is somewhere in between, and that's ok. 

Yesterday, being the end of school...is when I got my  marks. They were..let's not speak of them. The exams were pretty bad. The worst was bio...and I told everyone I would fail, and they wouldn't believe me. Well I didn't fail, but it started with a 6...but that's the same idea. At least mine was one of the better marks (Though that's sad) My average went down by 1% (the average of my top 6) so that's bad. It used to be 85, so since it's 84,  I lose 500$ of scholarship money. I know it's not that big a deal, but it is to me. I really don't want to tell my parents...they'll murder me. Frickin murder me. 

So I'm in a real nostalgia mood about school and friends and life in general, so I will add the lyrics of "For Good" from Wicked which ma good way. ake me sad....but in a good way. I need it to remember the good times. 

Oh, The Places You'll Go 

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets. Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don' t
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted. But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both you elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out? Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a sting of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored. there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame! You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!

Here's some things that I've learned this week:

 - Some people can stock shelves wrong
- Work will always suck
- I'm not handling it as well as i thought
- Plays of the Modern Era is a hard course and there's a lot of work
- English can be hard
- I'm getting more than a little stressed out about life in general
- I'm much to pessimistic for my own good
- Walmart is the essence of all evil
- Yet i wish some people there would be nice to me and be my friend
- I'm horrible at spending money
- I still cannot drive
- I don't think i'll be able to get a newspaper started (there goes my dream university)
- The more time i have to do something, the less i actually do it. 
- I tend to obssess
- And think too much about certain things
- I want to move really far away from here, but i'm afraid of how much it costs. 
- When i think of what things cost in terms of hours of work, I don't want them anymore
- Lists are my friends