I got into Western!!!!!! The awsomest program ever, almost as cool as Ryerson. And only 70 people get admitted, and I'm one of said people!!!! If I didn't get into Ryerson (which I still don't know) I'd love to go there. It's so pretty, and I'd get away from my parents, and it's a pretty great program. 

Of course, that creates a dilema. I'm no longer poor like I used to be, but I can't afford to go away to university. That's just a ridiculous amount of money that I don't have. Yes, I'll get scholarships, and OSAP, and I'll work (I'd better get a job ASAP, though I don't know where to find one), and bursaries too. But that's just not enough. So if I didn't get into Ryerson, that's the only other place I'd be happy, but I have no idea how to pay for it. 

When I told my parents...they were proud of me...sure. But they weren't even willing to consider that maybe I should go there. They're just like, no, out of the question. And then when I told them I want to go there if I can't go to Ryerson, they got mad at me for some reason. I know, I know, they can't pay for it, and they want me to be realistic. And I'd have to get OSAP, scholarships and bursaries to go anywhere and live at home. It was a pretty bad argument. 

It made me really want to just leave. But the amount that it costs just terrifies me. I still hate living here, but until I can somehow find a job, it seems like it's not an option. They say they don't prevent anyone from going there due to financial difficulties, but what exactly do they do about that? My mom says i'm a grown up, so I should just pay for it myself. Being a grown up sucks. I really need a job. 

There's me, not being able to be happy about ANYTHING. Not just this, anything. I have 2 projects and a test I need to do for Tuesday, but I just don't feel like it. I'm too sad. Life sucks. Tommorow is mother's day, and my mom said what she wants most is for me to go away from her. Nice, right? I would, but I suck so much that I have nowhere to go. 

I have at least 18 days to figure out my dilema. 

Until next time, 

Lau

School is insane lately. 4 ISPs due the same week. Guess must keep working to keep my 87% average. Yup, that's right. I'm a genius. And I can only get genius-er. Still don't have a new job. Only interview i've had was that one Saturday, and i'm not sure about that...I don't belong in a store like Mexx. I'm getting a little worried now. My parents keep being mean to me about it, but they're kind of right. I'm poor. I need money. Especially if I want to go to university somewhere that isn't here. I don't know whether or not it's sad that what worries me most about university is how darn much it costs. I guess it's kinda a good thing, but i hate being poor. Other then that...I've been feeling sad lately...I dunno what it is.I'm also confused.  I guess, everything just seems to be not working out, and i dunno what to do about it. Enough with me being a downer for now. I need to think happy thoughts. 

*happy thinking*

Here's some things that I've learned this week:

 - Some people can stock shelves wrong
- Work will always suck
- I'm not handling it as well as i thought
- Plays of the Modern Era is a hard course and there's a lot of work
- English can be hard
- I'm getting more than a little stressed out about life in general
- I'm much to pessimistic for my own good
- Walmart is the essence of all evil
- Yet i wish some people there would be nice to me and be my friend
- I'm horrible at spending money
- I still cannot drive
- I don't think i'll be able to get a newspaper started (there goes my dream university)
- The more time i have to do something, the less i actually do it. 
- I tend to obssess
- And think too much about certain things
- I want to move really far away from here, but i'm afraid of how much it costs. 
- When i think of what things cost in terms of hours of work, I don't want them anymore
- Lists are my friends

As you may know, Walmart does in fact suck. The hours they gave me are ridiculous. 4:30-11 pm 3 nights a week. No time for homework. No way i'm going to do that. The thing that makes me most angry is that my manager didn't seem to understand the problem. She's like, you can't get there at 4:30? Well, ya, i can, but that's not the point. I am in highschool. I get homework every day. I must do it. She didn't seem to understand that concept. Aso she accused me about lying about my availability. I wasn't, and all she had to do to prove that was to look at my sheet. I also expressed concern about working more than four hours in the evening because it would interfere with school. They assured me it wouldn't be a problem. Liars. 

Anyways, that is why walmart sucks. The first five weeks before the store opens is fine, and i can do that. In all those weeks, i'm going to keep telling my manager, and her manager, and the store manager, that i can't work those hours, and they need to change it. If they don't, i quit. I don't care. I actually want to work, but i don't need that bs, especially this year. So...i'll have a job for at least 5 weeks. Then, we'll see. I'll make 591.50$. It's a start. 

School is just more important than work. Especially grade 12. Ooooo...still scares me...grade 12. Especialy when i have a grade 11 homeform. That sucks. But i'll be fine...totally fine. 

P.S. The whole walmart thing happened a while ago (this weekend) but i'm still angry about it, so i needed a record of it in writing.

Well, watched that kid again yesterday, and must do so tommorow. On the plus side, each day means 60 more dollars. On the negative side, well...pretty much...everything else. No offence to little kids, but i don't like little kids. Not in general, just being the one responsible for them. Being responsible for kids is avoidable or so i thought. This kid, who's two years old, is particularly difficult to handle. 

Mostly what she does is yell for her mommy, or throw things, or break things, or put things in her mouth that don't in mouths. Also she hits me a lot. She very violent. She scratches and kicks too. It's mostly when i try to stop her from doing bad stuff. That's also when she screams and cries and throws thing. Oy. It's hard. I really don't wanna do it...but all that money. So what if i'm doing something i hate.I swear, i never want kids...at least...not until i'm old enough to forget whey i don't like them. 

At least...i dunno...the money. At least something good happens Saturday. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows! I'm so excited! I'm definately getting it Saturday. I so can't wait. Even if it sucks, it'll be so great! I wanna know who lives, and what happens to them mostly. Also, who loves who. That's very very important! Unfourtunately...i couldn't keep away from spoilers about that. Only a few points. I'm hoping and praying that it's all an elaborate hoax. 

Oh well, i shall see saturday. I have to buy it myself, because apparently i can't behave. I try...honestly i do. I just can't seem to do anything right. I wouldn't go to a midnight party, even though i was invited. I have a  party then...woo, party!!! Besides, if i got it at midnight, i wouldn't sleep. At least in getting the money, i actually can buy it now. Need something to look forward to when watching that evil kid. At least there's nap time. Nap time is fun. 

Later shall update on another day of kid watching. If i survive, that is.